I am sitting at home tonight. Last night sucked. I really couldn’t find it within myself to want to do lapdances anymore.
My day was uneventful. I worked out, moved some stuff into my apartment, and unpacked a little bit. Then I did some homework. I don’t know what my problem is. Maybe I am depressed. I can’t get it out of my mind that God has something better for me. Going to work and manipulating people out of money is just not where it’s at with me right now. I know I don’t have my degree yet so I have to suck it up for now. I need to pull my head out of my ass and make some money. I am going to go in tomorrow for about three hours. This weekend should be okay. It is pay day weekend for the military.
I have been reading my Bible and praying. I asked God to send me in the direction he wants me to go in. I feel as if I am going through some kind of spiritual and emotional rebirth. No longer do I want to be a part of the strip club scene. It is like poison to your soul. It keeps you from being any degree of healthy. It takes a toll on your mind, body, and your soul. It bends your values and transforms you. One day you wake up and look in the mirror and don’t even know who you are anymore. Of course, these are just my thoughts. All aboard the money train right? Everyone come sell your soul. Put up with people you dislike. Listen to shit you know is a lie. I will keep you posted. I am sure this weekend will be eventful.
My Crazy Southern Life 
What you are saying is true and the scene has the same effect on men. “You wake up one morning and don’t recognize yourself.” Nothing more needs to be said.
You’ll be alright, I have been thinking about quitting going for a while and then altogether. I’ve been told by many of the dancers that they understand and would do the same thing. It all started on my birthday in May this year, and then I kept going for a while…I’m pretty sure I know everyone there. Anyway, hang in there, I’m sure you’ll figure things out soon, you seem like a smart girl.
Hope school’s going well :D.
ive had nights like that. i break down like once a year. you need to. you need to get all the repressed bad feeling out somehow. we cant go around and beat everyone up! ive been in this game for 8 years. ive had it to but money talks. plus the eco is such in a shit pool now, this is not a bad way to go. we are not doing anything illegal. DON”T let the haters get to you. we are the real bread winners in the end. head up!
God wants you to be a stripper.
Bow down before the one you serve. You’re going to get what you deserve.