Where does time go?

13 10 2014

I can’t believe it has been so long since my last post. It seems each day goes by quicker than the last. Have I gotten busier than I was before? Do I have more responsibilities and that’s why it seems to go by so quickly? I saddens me to think that one day we look up and are losing time. Life is good when the sand is at the top half of the hourglass. It seems when the bottom starts to fill it just gets faster towards the end, doesn’t it? Seems metaphorical for the time we have in our precious lives.

What have I been doing? Well, as of this month it’s been a full year since I was swinging around the pole. I had a baby in June. I just want to pinch her cheeks! It’s probably a good thing I had her. She brings out the softer side of me. I decided to take real estate classes and should be licensed sometime soon. I have met some nice people in my class and met a really cool lady at the Laundromat of all places. She is from Tucson, Arizona and comes up here for the summers and sells specialty items. She and I are just alike except she is probably about twenty years older than me. Hmm… My husband. He does better. Things have improved. I don’t get the amount of help from him that I would like in regards to the baby or anything else really for that matter. It’s like having a bad roommate that pays 100% of the bills. But this also comes with a cost. For one, it gets lorded over my fucking head everyday, about how I don’t work and he does everything. Which is technically not true because I work from home part-time. Sure, I don’t make what he makes but at least I am doing something to contribute. When he refuses to help me I plead with him… I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, real estate classes (one hour commute each way), work part-time, and take care of two kids. His response to my plea? “No one told you to do all of that. I told you you didn’t have to work.” I am not going to even go into the many reasons why it’s important for me to maintain some type of job. You’d think he’d be grateful I’m not a lazy bitch who just sits at home and refuses to lift a finger! It’s a catch 22. If I work I have martyred myself and it’s my fault and if I don’t I have to hear his mouth about that. So either way whatever I do it’s not right…

Bullshit. That’s what I used to think. I used to seek his approval and let every hurtful thing he said to me send me into an emotional breakdown. Guess what happens when you go through that for years? You get to a point where you don’t care anymore. Say whatever you want. Oh you have a problem? Sounds like a personal problem. That’s your problem. Not my problem. It feels so good and empowering to feel like this! I’ve realized it’s not me, but him. I can’t change another person’s behavior but I can choose how I will react to it and to be honest I have too much shit on my plate to sit around and worry about what the hell he thinks. But his mouth gets on my nerves and sometimes I would like to punch him in it. Other than that, things are not that bad. I think this is mostly because I have found peace within myself to deal with these situations. It could be worse, could be better. There are women whose husbands don’t come home after work and go to the bar instead. Or don’t come home for days… Or beat them to a bloody pulp. So instead of focusing on what I don’t like I am satisfied that things in my life are acceptable and my life is going in a good direction. I feel confident about my future and more confident about myself than I have in a long time. And… We got our first rental property, which is really exciting for me. We talked about that being a goal of ours for a while now and it finally came true. That’s one thing positive I can say about my husband. He is a good provider. We aren’t rich but we are comfortable. So things could be worse right? I have also learned a negative attitude keeps me down. I only want to be around and surround myself with positivity. If it’s negativity¬†I don’t have time for it. Everyone gets in their shit sometimes but the goal is to not sit in it too long. This attitude has certainly served me well, although it’s not easy to be positive every day. Wishing you the best and paying the positivity forward… Until next time.


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