Attention: New “No Schedule Changing Policy” (Oh, and I’m back bitches!)

22 04 2009

So… California didn’t quite work out. Matter of fact, we never left. It seems as if his “boss to be” went on a drunken rampage and got in quite a bit of trouble. That was great. Especially considering our airline tickets were nonrefundable.

So here I am again… In South Carolina. Phillip and I got an apartment and moved in. He found a job a few weeks ago. He seems to be liking it okay. He’s snoring right now while I’m blogging.

My days are lonely. I pretty much sit at home while he’s at work pondering up my next culinary work of art for the evening. I take the time to cook him good meals. I won’t lie, I like the way he praises me for being a wonderful cook and a great wife. That’s the only reciprocation I need. I also try to be considerate of him. I mean, if I were to go work ten hours and come home and he had been sitting at home all day I would like to think he would have a meal cooked for me. I sleep in until about ten. Then I get up, drink coffee, and work on homework. I may go to the gym or go for a walk outside if the weather is nice. I clean the house and make sure the laundry is done. Around five thirty I start dinner and take a shower and straighten my wavy mess I call hair so I won’t have to rush later on before I go to work. I like my lonely days at home by myself. I miss Phillip but it’s nice to reflect and work on my homework in silence. It enables me to devote at least three hours a day dissecting source codes, studying, completing my homework, and teaching myself programming languages. I just started Java. Guess what? I like programming much more than I originally thought I would! I’m getting somewhat good at Java. From what I understand most languages are similar in the way the code is written. I hope to be efficient at using SQL, Java, and C++ by the time I graduate or soon thereafter. Who knows? I may be a well paid web designer for catharticlament.com one day! I’m sure my self esteem would take a beating but as long as I’m compensated monetarily it wouldn’t be much different than dancing right?

Speaking of Phillip, I am happy with Phillip. He is not selfish and it’s simple to keep him happy. We get along well. He pretty much goes along with whatever decisions I make and is happy just being with me. He is open minded so I don ‘t ever have to be afraid to talk to him about anything that’s bothering me. He doesn’t have any bad habits. He’s not moody. He cleans up after himself. Yep… I think I’m pretty lucky.

While I am at it… Let me take a moment to address something. From here on out I will not be taking any requests to rearrange my work schedule or calendar to accommodate anyone’s desire to come see me at the club. Quite frankly, it just never works out to my benefit. There have been instances in which I went to work only at someones request and they didn’t even show. Now this hasn’t happened to me only once. Here’s an idea:  If you really want to come see me, then JUST FUCKING DO IT! Shock the shit out of me. Maybe I’ll drop dead. But no longer will I go out of my way to accommodate people who don’t have the decency to do what they suggested to me and that is — show up! Sorry, folks. I just don’t have the patience or the time and I don’t want to end up making voodoo dolls to execute my revenge. So I just decided that the best thing for me to do is to let these people stop driving me crazy by enforcing a No Schedule Change Policy for myself.

Moving right along…

I will start reporting my stripper/customer stories again soon. I saw a pretty good stripper fight in the locker room a few weeks ago. No blood but they used… You got it! Shoes! The choice weapon of all time! Stilettos go down in the Stripper Hall of Fame as being “Least likely to be used for its original purpose.” Ah, stilettos… They can make loud clapping sounds, make you look sexy, compliment your outfit, make you taller, and are a great way to fuck up someones face. The more anger you have, the taller heel you need. If you’re an angry person you are probably more prone to initiate or provoke a fight. Since you’re going to be kicking lots of asses when you’re shit faced drunk (or are too inebriated to fight) stiletto heels make great attack devices. It’s almost like a brick but kind of like a knife. You can push the heel up to someones throat as the two lovely ladies in the locker room demonstrated. If you are in fact too fucked up to fight and think you can only get one lick in, you’d better make it a good one. Short of a bullet or an actual stab wound — what better way to make a lasting impression upon a skanky, pilled up, drunk stripper bitch? The best part is they’re extremely mobile so you don’t have to be in the immediate proximity of another bitch (who’s probably just as drunk, if not drunker) than you to cause bodily harm to her. I could go on and on about the benefits of wearing stilettos but you get the general idea. I am giggling because in my head I can see the late night infomercial. If I ever market the idea I’ll get the ShamWow guy to do it. He’s fucking annoying. It makes me mad listening to him. That kind of anger will cause viewers to go out and buy a pair “Just in case” someone pisses them off. While listening to him they’ll be thinking, “If I did have one of those stilettos I’d nail this guy in the cocksucker.” Almost like subliminal messages but not really.

Well, now that you know nothing worked out the way I planned it to and I’m still dancing we can all laugh and move on with our lives. Till next time…

P.S. Want to hear something funny? When I ran the spell check on this particular blog “fucking” didn’t need any editing but “skanky” wasn’t in the dictionary. Go figure.


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One response

23 04 2009
Z.

Good Lord, woman. Back on the pole, hey? It happens (sometimes 8 times in a stripper’s life.)

I find humor in the fact that you’re going to be paid to design CLDC when you were supposed to be a writer on it. Hmm . . . Let’s meet halfway and you cough up another guest post.

Anyway, txt me sometime. I lost your number yet again. I think it happened when I took my Lotus and threw it against the ground because anything Sprint makes gives me cancer.

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