Fish Breath

6 07 2008


I still haven’t made it back to Fayetteville so I don’t have the cable I need to put the drunk champagne room customer up on this site. But rest assured, he’s coming soon… Oh and I HAD to share this with you guys. Remember a few posts ago when I was talking about Skeletor? I was looking on and found a funny reference to her. Her name is Talisin. Funny shit. Scroll down to the ones titled “JJ”.

I am still in ********, SC. I have done really well since I’ve been back down here. I worked Friday night and made $1850. Back to champagne rooms. That is one thing I’ve missed about being down here. I get tired of doing $20 dances. I’m worth so much more. It makes me feel as if I am not living up to my full potential.

I had a terrible champagne room Friday. He was nasty. His breath smelled like fish. I even offered him some gum and he was like, “Are you trying to tell me my breath stinks?” I replied, “No sweetie it’s just I always chew gum because of all the smoking and drinking I do.” So dumbass probably thought I was being honest, and he didn’t chew the gum. Then he wanted to kiss me. I almost barfed on him. I thought to myself, “This is going to be a long champagne room.” So I did what any stripper in distress would do… I got drunk. This made the time somewhat more bearable but overall I didn’t even like this asshole drunk. Getting back to the kissing thing… I explained to him that I didn’t kiss customers. He was like, “Why not?” I told him that it was just something personal to me that I wanted to do with someone I truly had feelings for. Not a part of my job. So then he starts telling me how we should go play laser tag on Saturday. I’m drunk by now so I am agreeing with him and leading him on like yeah…. sure we will. Will you pour me another drink? Then he was telling me about some treasure hunt online called something cache. Apparently someone created a scavenger hunt and put this thing online so when you are bored you can print it out and scavenger hunt like a dumbass. He asked me if I wanted to go do that Saturday too. I was like yeah, sure. Now come on… Do I really look like a big enough dumbass to meet a customer outside the club and get in his vehicle and roam around in the woods looking for a whoopie cushion? I must look really fucking stupid for him to even mention doing that to me like it is a good idea. Fuck man. I haven’t survived five years of stripping by being a fucking retard. So as if that wasn’t bad enough, he wanted to rub my back. That was nice and soothing until he started blowing on my back and trying to lick me. All I could think about was—great, now I am going to smell like his nasty ass mouth. I felt like I smelled like fish when he was blowing on me. I tried to play the nice game where you tactfully reposition yourself as to avoid any further licks (I need to think of a term for this. We will call this the stripper defense. You know, where you are trying nicely to fight them off without them knowing.) Then he was so persistent that I actually had to tell him I didn’t like being licked. I lied and said I have a tongue phobia. As if I wasn’t being tortured enough for the first hour, he buys three more hours. True enough, I was getting paid $400 an hour but fuck… He was so nasty. Then he asked me if I was afraid of guns. I said no. He was like, “Good. In the event that you ever come over to my house…” I was like, “Can you pour me another glass of champagne please?” I finally got real drunk by the fourth hour and made him rub my feet. I made many bathroom breaks that night mainly to get the fuck out of his reach. I had given him my number because of course they are going to ask. I always give it to them but never answer. My phone rings more than the FBI call center. That’s why I have two lines. :0) Only important people have my other number. So he texts me Saturday morning. I told him I was too drunk and hung over to go play laser tag. That I was throwing up and simply couldn’t make it. At one point Friday night I actually thought he was going to stalk me because he kept saying, “Well you don’t have to worry about me. I am not a stalker or anything.” Then making the comment, “I know if some guys would have given you that much money they feel like you owe them something.” Bitch let me clarify—I don’t owe you shit! Matter of fact, where’s my tip? He didn’t even tip me for putting up with his yeast infection breath. Shall we explore the concept of gum disease? I was never so glad to get out of the champagne room. Every time a customer asks me, “What is different about going back in the champagne room?” I always explain to them it’s private and we can get naughtier with no one watching. If I was to be truthful it would sound something like, “Honestly, I am going to get paid more, dance less, and get drunk.” I tell them it’s cheaper because they won’t be paying by the song and it is more involved than a vip dance. In reality, it is the exact opposite. Got you—fucker! Oh, and if we do a champagne room you are going to rub my feet. And don’t forget to tip me when we’re done or I’m going to get pissy with you.




3 responses

7 07 2008

that story kept giving me douche chills, good post, it reminds me to always carry my self respect in the most paramount manner

9 07 2008

hi. i just started my blog about two weeks ago, and i’ve been getting 30-40 hits a day, but it’s quickly increasing. what do you have in mind?

12 07 2008

Hi girl your stories are very interesting, I’m a stripper out here in MA things around here aren’t the way they were 3 years ago (money ways), it’s getting harder by the day, but what upsets me the most are the girls doing extras even at clubs were no contact is allowed out in LP dance area they still do extras in the CR’s, usually girls that do that have no perspective in their lives those are the girls that you see cocaine dripping from there noise all night and those have to do extras in order to support there habit.
I’ve been a dancer for 5 years I could say I’ve almost been trough it all… I so can relate to everything you write, sometimes it’s so hard to get out of this industry, but I come to the conclusion nowadays being so hard to make money is a push towards a new carrier.
You should write a book, try to find a publisher you would do great, I absolutely LOVE this blog….. Trust me you are going to be rich if you make this stories a BOOK…. God bless…….

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