My Visit Home

28 11 2007

I am in Nashville, Tennesse writing to you from my laptop. Nothing exciting has happened. I left Sunday and drove seven hours to come to Nashville to visit my family and friends. I figured I needed a break. I had to stop in Georgia to get a room because my dumb ass was drinking the night before so I started having panic attacks again. So Sunday I stopped and spent the night at the Ramada and left Monday morning. It rained the whole way. I went out to my dad’s and spent the night. Now I am at my friend’s house with her and her husband. They are both gone at work and their kids are at school.

So everything has been going great with “Robert” and I. We had a discussion the other night. I felt I really wasn’t getting 110% so I asked him if he was sure he was ready for a relationship. He said no. I was shocked. He actually made me cry. I told him I felt like that was fucked up and I felt like he was leading me on and playing with my feelings. He told me he loved me about a week ago. I realize he’s been through some fucked up relationships but so have I. I told him I felt like he was lying when he told me he loved me (because if you love someone you will be ready for a relationship, right?). So I told him I respected how he felt. He called me the next morning. I didn’t answer, which prompted him to call into the afternoon. I needed time to process. When I finally did talk to him he said he felt like I didn’t want to talk to him. I mentioned that I had ran into my ex and he had asked me to stop by and see his family. “Robert” acted like it was okay but called me back and said, “So we are seeing other people now?” I explained to him that he didn’t want a relationship so I didn’t feel it was fair to ask me to wait. He said he just wanted to take it slow. We had some problems when I was drinking. I would call him and cuss him out. I think he just wants to make sure that I am not going to be getting drunk all the time. I can respect that because I made my bed so I should lay in it. I will get off his ass and give him time. But come another two to three months if he is still confused I will have to discard him. I realize I have to take a certain amount of responsibility for this situation that I helped create. We will see how it goes.

Other than that I have been staying sober. Since Saturday anyways. I will try again. I am getting better. My binges are getting further apart each time. I believe I will make it. I can’t wait to get back home and start making money again. I will be refreshed and ready to hustle and talk shit. I want to be home by Sunday so “Robert” and I can go to church together. And I want to work Friday and Saturday.

I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon soon to get some work done. I am excited. I am not excited about the payments I will accrue.

As mentioned before, I am glad I can entertain you guys. However, I encourage comments and thoughts to be left on the blog. Any opinons about my relationship with “Robert” particularly. Advice. Strongly welcomed. Until the next time—Peace the FUCK out.


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