Observing our society, it’s evident to most that morals are quickly declining. Values and inner compasses fall by the wayside in today’s world. Occurrences on the news that shocked us fifteen years ago barely make us bat an eyelash today.

You may find yourself thinking, “What the fuck does a stripper know about morals?” Believe it or not, I have some.

I don’t steal.

I do lie occassionally. Um… Newsflash: Everyone does. If you say you haven’t you are lying. Sometimes even in casual conversation there are things we just don’t care to divulge, so we tell a little lie. Of course, there are more goal driven lies such as the likely reply to, “Excuse me, is this your twenty on the floor?”

I do not beat animals.

I don’t smoke crack. I would never even try it. Under no circumstance could anyone convince me that smoking crack is going to lead to a good time or otherwise benefit me in some way.

I don’t cheat on my husband.

I wear a seatbelt.

Ever since I stopped stripping, I don’t intentionally manipulate people to get my way.

I don’t assault people. In general, I don’t start shit unless I feel wronged and feel compelled to speak up about it.

I would never think about committing a sexual crime, breaking in someone’s house, or killing anyone, unless it was in self-defense.

In general, I am a good person.

While I realize people’s morals vary for different reasons, there are some things that our society still considers horrendous. Child molestors are not appreciated. Remember… Just because someone hasn’t been caught doing it, doesn’t the potential/possbility does not exist. It amazes me how many I see in the media who are accused of being child molestors. If those are only the people we are catching and that we know about, imagine how many more there are walking around. Sitting by our children at McDonald’s. 

People who brutally beat animals for no reason are totally scum of the Earth. What about the women that kill their kids? Is that not the worst betrayal of a child’s love besides molestation? Let’s look at some of these mothers random leg spreaders of 2011. Please note they are in no particular order.

Janelle Evans 

This piece of shit is what you would call a reality television star. I don’t think the term star fits her very well. The word star suggests something is vibrant and shiny. She’s more like a public figure who has been mentored by Casey Anthony. The tv series she appears on is relatively popular. It’s called Teen Mom. What is this series about, you may ask? Teen Mom documents the lives of those who lacked the good common sense at fifteen years old to wear a condom or make sure the asshole that knocked them up had a job. It shows them fighting, struggling financially, and involved in other tear jerking situations. Then they always break down and cry like little pussies. “I didn’t know it was going to be so expensive to move out on my own…” Well, what the fuck did you think, apartments were free? I would think this too, had I grown up in Section 8 most of my life. Janelle didn’t, but I could see hwo someone could have that notion — never having seen anyone pay rent before and all. Almost every comment they make on this show makes me think, “You should have thought about that before you spread your legs.” Let me rephrase that.

Spreading your legs is fun. Sex if fun. Everyone likes it. “You should have thought about that before you decided it couldn’t happen to you.” They are constantly feeling sorry for themselves, mooching off of others, and treating their family like shit. The most pathetic of all these little twats is Janelle Evans. Five time loser.

Janelle voluntarily signed custody of her son over to her mom (which is the smartest thing she probably ever did). Janelle met a homeless man named Keefer. Keefer is around her age and staying here and there, but nevertheless homeless. So anyways, Janelle starts fucking a bum, steals her mom’s credit card, and runs away with this guy. She leaves her son with her mom. She smokes pot all day… Not that there’s anything wrong with that… I just wouldn’t do it while watching toddlers. This boyfriend has no job and has no interest in getting one. I want to punch this girl in the fucking face. Above is Janelle in her mugshot. I think that was when her and Keefer got in trouble for living in someone’s house against their permission. WINNING! Holy fucking yes! Just what I need! To shack up with a bum and start my criminal career while farming my kid out to my mom. There are valid reasons one’s mother should help raise their child. This is not one of them. This bitch is pathetic. She is a complete sociopath, thinking only about herself. She steals from the very hand that helps raise her kid and chooses a man over her child, without fail, every time.

Casey Anthony

 I can’t leave the queen bitch out. America was in utter shock and disbelief. We will all remember the day the verdict was released. Hands down the shitty mother of 2011… and 2010, and probably 2009 too, goes to Casey Anthony. Casey Anthony reminds me a lot of a stripper. Not one of the strippers that graduate college. One of the strippers that lives in a hotel and sucks dick in a back alley for crack. Severe daddy issues, loves to party, complete attention whore (evident by her pictures), narcissistic and self centered behavior, and very promiscous from all accounts. I don’t want to leave out the fact that she was a pathological liar and couldn’t tell the truth about what she ate for breakfast. She’s lie to you just for practice or shits and giggles. Imagine how much different her life would be if she would have kept her legs closed and just became a stripper. She knew what she wanted to do, but the kid slowed her down so she killed it. I know many women who stripped and raised kids. Some of them were alcoholics, some straight laced, and some were drug addicts. When I look at it from this standpoint I have to say, at least they didn’t kill them. No matter what their issues were they dealt handled their business. I’m not saying the kids had it made either, but it was sure a step up from being murdered by your own mother.

I am not going to do a roll call because with all the twats here in this world… I would be here all day. One thing I will mention that I find interesting is that there is no law against these people reproducing. I definitely don’t think our freedom of choice should be taken from us, however in cases like these the mothers are allowed to have more children even after proving they couldn’t take care of the first one. Funny, we need a license to drive a car but any retard can pop out a kid. What the fuck is up with that? Anyways… Have a good night. Try not to end up like these assholes on this page.

When you dance you are always on public display. Impeccable care is imperative to one’s appearance for a few reasons. The most obvious reason is to maximize your earning potential. Another reason is a dancer’s self-esteem. Some of you reading already know this but some of the biggest self-esteem issues were possessed by the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Sometimes it seemed the more beautiful the woman, the more insecure and fucked up she is. I saw evidence of this several times. It’s hard enough being on constant display but imagine someone making a remark about your appearance or worse, your hygiene. That would be devastating to the ego of a dancer. Another reason is because stripping is 98% mental. If you don’t feel absolutely beautiful it can affect your interactions with customers. I can honestly say that I on days I went to work and felt average, my attitude sucked. On days I thought my makeup looked awesome or got my hair done I felt confident, like I could go to work and make all kinds of money.

I guess I was afraid of the unknown. I’m not above going back if I ever had to. I doubt at 29 years old I could handle the mental stress of living on straight commission again. That is a rough life. As soon as you go to work you are already hoping you make X amount of dollars. Strippers are also very superstitious in case you didn’t know. If we make a lot of money one night we try to somehow “recreate” the circumstances we believed would have been a factor in our success and duplicate that night all over again. It sounds dumb but it could be something like a favorite outfit or necklace we believed had a hand in making us money.

On another note, you may wonder what I have been doing with all of my spare time since I am not longer working. I have started cooking things I never knew how to cook. Sweet Italian Sausage and peppers, chicken creole, chess pie, etc. My dad let us take over the payments on his house, which is rather large so I spend a lot of time cleaning. We now have a two car garage, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a huge backyard. I do my school work, cook, and clean. I make it a point to go down to my daughter’s school and eat lunch with her often so she knows she is loved. I felt bad for her classmate at the Thanksgiving dinner. The little girl was crying because her dad promised he would come and he didn’t. I reminded my daughter how fortunate she was to have parents who care and do what they say they will do.

So this is my life now. The latest craziness is my stepsister who recently split up with her boyfriend about two months ago and has since dated about 5 guys that I am aware of. She can’t keep her legs closed and then gets upset when the guys leave her. Her newest venture if PlentyofFish.com so this ought to get real interesting. LOL Shit’s about to get real. She’s not a beautiful girl, but she has a wonderful heart. Her handicap is the previously mentioned inability to keep her legs closed and the fact that she has three kids. I kind of feel sorry for her. She’s not a raving beauty so it’s not like she can take her pic when it comes to dating. She will probably never date a man who is handsome. I think deep down she feels it too, hence the desperation in regards to dating. She just doesn’t get it. When I was dating before I met my husband I was nothing to play with. I was very picky so it was few and far between that I met anyone who I thought was dating material. Men were like little toys. Something to be played with. Never to be taken seriously and surely never to be trusted. Then I met my husband. We have been through our ups and downs and here we are. I get to stay at home and be here when my daughter gets off the bus. I am fortunate because he does his best to be a father to my daughter. I am blessed. I remember a few years ago I used to wonder what was after stripping and my future would be like. I knew I wanted a house, a husband, and a college degree. Well, a few years later and here I am with everything I have ever wanted. I already have an Associate’s but am now getting a degree that will open doors for me an Associate’s won’t. I have my house and my husband. I am lucky. This Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful that I am no longer caught up in a lifestyle that ultimately would have jaded me beyond repair. I am thankful that I am not a homely person and didn’t have to settle for my husband. I am thankful that my daughter is one of the sweetest little girls I have ever met. I also want to take a moment to say thank you to all of you reading this blog… This is my outlet. If it wasn’t for you guys continuing to read, I would no longer write. I hope each and every one of you has a warm, memorable holidays with the ones you love.

Till next time…

Now go ahead and tell me this guy isn’t butt ass ugly. Look at the teeth on that thing! Lawd have mercy… I can’t believe someone let him impregnate them. That is disgusting. You know what else he couldn’t keep up with? Me eating an apple…

Then there’s this guy:

Enough said…

It’s good to know if I had no other obligations in life besides digging gold and looking for prospects I could always go visit this guy:

I think not… I would rather be bored at home with my thumb up my a$$ than sitting by some pool sipping mojitos with this guy. God help him if he couldn’t find his Viagra.

This is why I keep my dating profile. To fuck with people. It’s what I do. Do I feel bad? Probably not…

My daughter started school yesterday. After I picked her up and picked my husband up we went to Food Lion. As we were walking out I heard this little voice going, “Sir, sir… Excuse me sir.” There stood this little chubby black kid. He was all smiles. He said, “Sir, your daughter is in my class.” It was obvious that he liked Lakota from the crap eating grin he had on his face. I couldn’t help but laugh. Then he started showing off for her. When we got in the truck I told my daughter, “Ooooh, he liked you. ‘Sir, sir… Your daughter is in my class.’” She said, “Stop it Mom. You’re being mean.” I thought about it and thought — hey, that was a little mean. How come my ten-year old daughter can understand that, but I disregard it. Then the scenarios started spinning.

Have I been desensitized by life? Where is my empathy? Am I capable of feeling empathy? Sometimes I’m not sure if I feel empathy or if my actions are based on what I have been taught is wrong or right. It’s hard to tell. I admit, I do feel numb sometimes. I do have problems connecting with the emotions of others. Then I started considering different situations and how I would feel.

If I see an animal lying dead in the road, do I feel bad? Some people do. Am I supposed to feel bad or are those people just sensitive? I do remember a time in my life when this would bother me. If I don’t feel bad does that make me a sociopath? I don’t feel bad for homeless people either. There are some exceptions. If they are missing an arm, leg, or blind then I feel they have a valid reason to be homeless and sometimes I do feel bad. I realize there are also those who lack the mental capacity that some of us are blessed with. Although we can not physically see the impairment of the mentally ill or those with addictions, it can contribute to the fact that they are homeless. I feel bad when someone who is obviously at a physical disadvantage asks me for money and I will usually shell out a couple of dollars. If I can not physically see it, I get a little aggravated and am usually pretty rude to them. It aggravates me that someone (especially if they are a man) will ask me for money when they see me with my child. I can not believe a grown man would have the audacity to ask a woman with a child for money when he is capable of getting a job. This in turn makes me a little rude. Does being rude to them make me self-centered? Does it make me a bad person? I think my lack of empathy towards them is magnified by the fact that they are often like vultures that keep pecking at you even after you tell them no. When I see a murder on the news do I feel bad? Sadly, I don’t. Why is this? Is it because it doesn’t affect me? Is it because it’s so common in our society? I will admit, after my daughter said I was being mean — I did feel a little bad. If you have a coworker that gets a phone call that a close family member died at work, do you feel bad for them or rather try to comfort them because it’s what we are supposed to do? I can not feel their pain. It is very difficult for me to put myself in their shoes. The only thing I can do that would closely resemble relating would be to imagine how I would feel if my dad passed away. But why would I want to make myself feel that way? I would try to comfort them. Does this make me a sociopath or a bad person? Then I started to wonder… How many of us really care when someone’s dog gets ran over, their parents pass away, or something bad happens to them? Do we care because we are supposed to care? How do we make ourselves feel more empathy?

I am open to comments, feedback, and suggestions. These are just my musings for the day. I will admit, these musings definitely laid the foundation for an interesting topic.

Here is a quick update. I went to Nebraska to get my daughter from my mother. Since she’s been back she said my mom’s husband choked her, told her I was a str!pper and a d!ck sucking wh@re, and that everything was her fault. He said she should just go back to her mom’s. I was served with papers before I picked her up wanting grandparent’s visitation. Yeah… That’s not going to happen. I’m going to take her to a counselor and let them recommend to the court that she should not be in their care. She also sent my daughter back with a hidden cell phone. She told Kota to hide it from me.

I have heard quite a few stories over the past few days. She said my  mom and her husband used to make her sit on the couch while they got drunk. My mom’s husband choked her she said. I believe it because my mom wasn’t even woman enough to stand up for me when her boyfriends used to hit me. She said my mom got really mad once and was doing 80 mph and told her maybe if she’s lucky she will kill them both. My heart hurts for her. I told her she never has to go back there and deal with them again.

She is doing well. I am still working my day job. I am still in school. I am set to complete my Bachelor’s October 2012. I can’t wait! This will open many new doors for me.

Thanks everyone for reading. It’s been 3 and a half years since my first post. I can readily admit that it’s been a nice ride as well as a productive means of taking out my frustrations.

The only thing I can leave you with is this…

If I look back from my first post up until now, I can see how much my life has evolved. Although I am still not perfect and will always be a little crazy, I have managed to use the past three years as building blocks to better things. I have completed my degree, won my custody battle against my mother, and become a lot more stable in the interim. Most importantly, I am gainfully employed. One of the biggest obstacles facing me this whole time was to accept the reality that stripping has to come to an end at some point. While there’s no telling what the future will bring, I hope that I find my way. I also sincerely hope all of you that have traveled this journey with me, find your way in life too. Stripper or not, life is full of twists, turns, heartbreak, accidents, surprises, and the unexpected. I still moonlight, don’t get me wrong. But now instead of laughing at getting a real job, I welcome it. I am proud of my accomplishments thus far and fortunate to avoid becoming the person I inevitably would have turned into had I continued on my path. I was able to escape the consequences that seem to come with being a full time stripper. Here I am, ten years later. No drug addiction, no pimps, and making progress in a normal life. Some of you that have been reading for a while can recall when I actually had my own pictures on here. Now I am actually worried about someone seeing them and putting my job in jeopardy. So much has changed… I have changed.

I am going to direct my time towards projects that are more productive. I hope this has been an entertaining read for all. No matter what you do for a living, some days you will feel like the customer and some days you will feel like the stripper. Don’t ever let anyone break your spirit… Don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t do, or what you are destined to be. Never feel bad about doing what you have to do. Remember, at the end of the day the only person you have is you. Most importantly, don’t ever stop believing in yourself.

I have been looking around for another job during the past few weeks. Just putting out some resumes. I am fishing. The job I have is good now. I make good money but I am just seeing what else I can get into out there.

Other than that, nothing too eventful is happening. You will be hearing from me again soon.

Phillip put some ads out in the local paper for a handyman. He is still working at his full time job, as am I. We are hoping this thing picks up and we can make it into a business. We had our first call yesterday which was very exciting. I will call the lady back today with the quote amount. Sometimes I feel rather guilty that Phillip works in the hundred degree heat (and yes, it’s been 100 degrees literally in the past few days) while I sit in the air conditioning behind a desk. Second thought, I don’t feel bad. However, I do recognize that it sucks to be him on these hot days.

I have been playing with Adobe Dreamweaver a bit. I am thiking about purchasing it and building my own website and moving this thing off of here. Instead of buying just the Dreamweaver software, I would like to purchase the whole Adobe creative suite. It costs quite a bit though. If anyone would like to contribute you may do so here.

***After I posted this I tried to post a HTML Paypal donation button but it wouldn’t accept the code. Keep an eye out though!

Remember there are a million reasons to contribute. The biggest reason is so I can get DreamWeaver and/or the Adobe Creative Suite. Number two, I’m SEXY! At least I’m not panhandling and asking for crack! I am using this money for something fun which brings me to point number 3. I entertain you! So just donate. It doesn’t have to be a lot. I would prefer it to be, but it doesn’t have to be. Even a little will help. Come on, put your mouse on the button, click it, and donate. You won’t miss $10. Or $1,000. Okay maybe you would, but donate what you can. Thanks!

Okay, I will be back soon. We are getting closer to the weekend and it’s sure to bring some craziness with it. Bye for now!

This guy is my hero! LOL I hope he accepts my friend request when he gets out of prison.

So I was wondering Z, are you out there? Do you still read my blog anymore? I checked your website www.catharticlament.com and haven’t seen any new posts. Get with it man!

I was taking Phillip to work this morning and passed a mere shack of a bar. The sign out front said, “Early bird? We open at 7 am. Free pool on M and W.” Or something close to that. It made me laugh. I did take a pic but can’t upload it now because I am at work. I will soon though.

Since I have been trolling around the net lately I have come across a few very interesting (and some horrible) blogs. Some of them were ladies just like myself who have worked in this industry. Some were just downright funny! Here was a tweet that I liked, posted by one of my followers on Twitter:
“I’ll take a Belvedere and Voss please. With organic lemon. On the rocks. But only if the rocks are made of frozen Voss.” If I find anything else that is interesting I will be sure to share. I did come across Too Short’s Twitter account which is hilarious! Make sure you find it and follow it if you need a good laugh or two throughout the day.

Lately I have been trying to expand my blog but I am always conflicted. Can I say where I am located? How much of my personal life should I include? Should I keep it strictly focused on the subject at hand? What would you guys like to see? Should I post pictures of myself? Do I want picture of myself on the internet linked to being a stripper? In the age of technology, it is probable that it could come back to haunt me one day. I am not a blog extraordinaire so I want to emphasize again, please leave feedback!

The work week is almost over and I will probably be working this weekend. There is another thing I am conflicted about. I am 29 years old now. I have a decent job now and make around $40 K a year. Sometimes I want to quit and go back to my other job full time. I have decided that if anything happens with this job, that is what I will do. I am still a temporary at this job so we will see how everything pans out… On one hand it’s good to have the stability and steady paycheck. I think since the recession hit, dancing it not what it used to be. I would hate to think the grass is greener on the other side and be disappointed so I will stick it out here for now and work part time. Part time has meant nearly none lately. I haven’t been working that much in the past few months. I could always use more $$$ though!

I will definitely be posting again soon! Comments? Questions?

Follow me on Twitter at strippersmemoir or you can also look me up on facebook with my email address strippersmemoir@gmail.com. Ciao!