A New Start…

Well, I did it. It’s been a long time coming. I emptied out my house on Monday. I put all of my stuff in a Uhaul (which was $1388+$400 in fuel) and am in Nebraska. I got tired of Paul’s shit. I’m tired of dancing. I’m tired of a lot of things. Something had to give. So here I am. I don’t even want to discuss the situation with Paul but I’m just sick of it. We are taking some time apart and maybe we can work things out later. I got here this morning at 5 am. I have only had one hour of sleep. My stomach hurts and I can’t eat. It is 9:27 pm and I am getting ready to go to bed. I am finally going to start waking up early and going to bed early like I’ve always wanted to. I hate sleeping the day away. I have a job prospect lined up in a call center and will start looking for employment tomorrow. We will see how it goes. My mom and her husband agreed if I brought my daughter and stayed that they would buy a house. It’s small but it’s very nice. I’m really tired of moving. Within five hours my house was cleaned out (which Paul was kind enough to help with) and I went to work and cleaned out my locker. I am really tired and am going to go to bed. I will elaborate on everything tomorrow.

Moving right along…

So Paul went out of town this weekend. He was supposed to take his son home and then turn around and come home. Within a week it went from those plans to, “My friend’s mom is dying and she only has four months to live.” All of the sudden he had to go to Pittsburgh to go see her. I asked him to please not drink while he was up there. This is how irresponsible he is. He got his birth certificate and social security card in the mail. I told him to go down to the DMV and apply for a license like he has never had one before. He said he would. Then he called me and said he was on his way to Pittsburgh and that the line was too long. So he left without even attempting to get a driver’s license.

Then he got to Pittsburgh. I stayed behind to work. I called him when I was on my way to work, when I got there, and when I left. By that time he was drunk. He made a big production of talking shit to me in front of his cousin. He told me to shut up, fuck you, and other choice things he said that are too personal that I won’t repeat. I told him keep the truck, take over the payments, and stay in Pittsburgh. Then I disconnected his phone and froze the bank account. After all the phone is in my name and if I can’t get in touch with him on it, he doesn’t need it right? To make a long story short I am stuck now without transportation and I have to pay a babysitter. My trainer said I could use his car. My neighbors across the street are going to watch Kota for $30 a night. He thinks he is leaving me high and dry after I watched his kid all summer. Well, guess what? I always have a back up plan.

I have decided that he needs to come and get his shit. If he gives me any shit I am going to call the cops. Period. I put up with this bullshit before and I’m not doing it again. Read my lips — no more Paul. I believe I am going to let my daughter finish out this school year here and make plans to move to Denver, Colorado. I have to visit first and find a good club to work at. That way Kota will have my mom and me. I graduate in February but have decided to go on to get my Bachelor’s degree in order to increase my income.

That’s pretty much all that’s going on tonight. I went to work. I didn’t drink. I was so pissed off and my attitude sucked so I didn’t make any money. I left and went to Waffle House. Some guy was like, “Do you want to go to Ray’s and have a drink?” I was like sure. I followed him about five miles and said fuck this. I just need to go home and this is too far away to be drinking and driving. So I turned around and headed home. This crazy mutherfucker started to follow me! I stopped at a red light and he pulled up next to me and tried to invite himself to my house! I told him no thank you. I noticed he was still following me so I pulled into a gas station and cussed him out. I checked myself when I left the gas station. I was in the clear. Whew… It wasn’t that serious.

As for everything else, I am going to be okay. I am not sad. I am not down. I am just staying on track and am going to work hard and stay sober so that I can handle my responsiblities accordingly. I have a lot hanging in limbo right now. I explained to my daughter that I will be working more and that she will have to be good for the babysitter so that Mommy can work. If not, Mommy won’t be able to pay the bills and we can’t be together. But I am planning on moving to Denver next year. I am signing off for tonight. I’m tired. I need to get my rest and take care of myself so that I can stay pointed in the right direction. Night.

FUCK PAUL! DON’T REALLY NEED HIM!

This is ME!!!

Okay… I’m drunk and have been let loose with a keyboard. I go into so much detail in my blogs that I don’t feel I have to do this this time. But if you can follow me it will make sense. Got into a fight with Paul.  The origin…

Him and I got into a “disagreement”. While he was mad at me my daughter was eating in the kitchen and she ran and jumped on the couch. The next thing I heard? “You know better. What are you trying to do, piss me the fuck off?”  Anybody that knows me or has ever read my blog will tell you, “Ah, hell nall.” I told Paul, “That’s not your daughter to yell at. Tat’s MY daughter.” I don’t mind if he disciplines her. I think he should be firm and that he is an authority figure in the household. But that tone was totally unecessary. First of all you don’t yell at her. Number two you don’t cuss at her. He said, “Well, you do.” I said, “Exactly. I do and she came from me.” But again, she’s not your child. First of all she is the child and you are the adult. If you can’t handle yourself as such then you need to leave. To make a long story short I was on the phone with my mother while Paul came in talking shit. My mother still has custody of my daughter. Then he told me that he was going to turn me into the IRS. Then he told me that he was going to take me off his DEERS (med. insurance) through the ARMY. Then he tried to take the truck keys from me after I had made the payment! I will explain it to you like this…

While I am on the phone with my mom and you try to come in and talk shit you are telling me one thing. That means that you don’t give a fuck if I am with my daughter or not. Now you have moved your position to a partner to a liability. I don’t care how mad I was at someone… There are some things that you don’t do. The only way I would get REAL DIRTY is if someone had cheated on me or hit me. It’s like if I am not with him he wants to ruin my life. He’s a snake. We are two different people who live our lives by two different codes. We stayed up all night arguing until the next morning. I don’t have time for this bullshit. And that’s exactly what it is… Bullshit. I don’t NEED you. He makes $521 a week. As of now we have agreed to work things out but in my head I just took more time to figure out how to fuck him over. Let him cry like he was in the living room. “Fuck ya.” And that’s that.

I went to work tonight. It was shitty. I think it was because I got drunk. But hey… It’s okay. I am going to include a screen shot of my grades in this post. I don’t need Paul.

That’s about all I have to say about that. The situation between Paul and I can NEVER be repaired. I am drunk and I don’t feel like talking any more. Night.