I Am Never Ordering From the Adult Menu Again

So… Went to work. It was kind of shitty. I went to Chili’s with my friend Chris before work and had one margarita. I ordered grilled chicken from the kid’s menu. I have decided that whenever a kid’s menu is available I am going to order from it. It’s cheaper and we don’t need all that food that they serve as an “adult” portion. Hell, my kid’s menu was actually plenty for an adult. “So what happens if they say adults are not allowed to order off of the kid’s menu?” Ah… Tricky question. In this case you tell them it is not for you. That you would like it to go please. Then when they bring it in all wrapped up and ready to go, you continue your merry drinking and when you are ready you eat it in their fucking faces. However, you should make sure that you’ve already paid for it so that they can’t haggle with you about charging for an adult plate. Personally, I have a hard enough time getting along in society. I don’t need anyone giving me shit about ordering from the kid’s menu. They don’t want me to go all crazy white girl on them over some bullshit. I’m liable to drive my car through that mutherfucker. Everyone just agree with me that it should be my way and that I am right and no one gets hurt!

Tonight sucked ass. My mood was a little off. The club was way too crowded. Not enough people spending enough money. An assload of girls. The only real highlight of my night was some drunk guy telling me that he would “give” me a Range Rover. I just laughed at him and asked him if he wanted a dance. Like anyone is really going to give me anything. He just kept bragging about his money. I would have been stupider for even having believed one iota of his false tales. It’s simple: If you are going to do something for me, just do it. I’m not going to suck your ass and pray. I am too fucking old for that shit and even though he didn’t know, anyone that knows me or (in your case) of me, knows that I am not falling for that old song and dance. Get a fucking brain. Go tell that to one of these new girls. They’ll eat it right up. You just wasted moments of both our lives and your breath. I would be impressed if say he showed up one day with a title and keys. Now that would blow my fucking mind. But that doesn’t happen in Stripperville. Not for me anyways.

The other highlight of my night, if you want to call it that was when I was giving a dance. “Harmony” comes up to the guy that I am dancing for and says she needs to “holler” at him real quick. I told her that she would have to wait until we were done dancing. That was fucking rude. She always tries to bully everyone in the club around. Well, not me. I don’t have time to take a wage reduction over stupidity so I went to the manager and told him what her stupid ass did. He had a talk with her. Any real dancer knows that you don’t do shit like that. But then again… I am in Fayetteville, North Carolina. I think some bitches just can’t stand the fact that I get attention or make money. Cock blockers. Well, that’s it for tonight. No pics. No songs. I will be bitching again soon.

Who Do These Guys Think They Are?!?!

I thought this song was fitting for the wanna be pimp

Okay. I am aggravated. First of all, why the hell does this guy think he has a chance to date me?

Is he fucking serious? I was bored today so I checked into my old dating websites. Not that I ever used them that much anyways. I just actually remembered that I had one. And here’s this fucking guy!

“Hi, my name is Ralph. I am 51 years old. I live in a convalescent home not that far from where you are located. I know my dick doesn’t really work anymore, not that you’d actually want that old shriveled mutherfucker if it did, but I was hoping you’d load me up in the wheelchair and wheel me a couple blocks to Picadilly’s. There we could dissect each other and you could see what you could get in the event that my brakes on my wheelchair somehow “mysteriously” give out while I am parked on a hill right above the parking lot of an amusement park. Unless you are already married.” Sorry Ralph. Already married. Should have got me about six months ago. I would’ve been glad to help contribute to the mystery.

Did this guy think he had a chance? I am appalled at the nerve of some people. He told me my lips look kissable. Yuck. I think this will be my new project. Together we will make fun of the poor, most desperate of the desperate on this particular website. This will be awesome.

And while we are on the subject of audacity… Someone asked me to borrow a large amount of money today. And it was not someone I was close to. It really pissed me off that they thought I was that fucking stupid. Yeah, that sounds good. Let me go to work and make a quick three thousand so that we can take care of your shit while mine goes on the backburner. Fuck you. You’d be better off whoring yourself out at a biker bar. People really think I’m dumb. Do I look that fucking stupid? So I did what any normal person would. I refused, told them they were crazy, left, went home, sent them a mean message on myspace, deleted them from my friends list, and blocked them from ever contacting me again.

Then there’s this guy.

doc13 —Click on that link to see an actual profile of his. And look he’s from my hometown! He appears to be some pimp trying to recruit girls. Like I can’t recognize that. It reminds me of a cartoon where Scooby Doo has on a blonde wig and people don’t know its him. It’s not like I just started stripping. Duh. He wishes he could pimp this. Bitch ass. I think just to be a bitch I am going to send him a link to my blog so he can see himself. I mean what are they going to do? Delete my free subscription? Yeah.

That’s todays blog. I am going to start dedicating myself more to this blog. So check often. And leave some damn comments! This weekend ought to be interesting. Bye bitches.

 

Linens N’ Things going out of business… Boo Hoo…

Song of the Day

My life has been eventful. I am off work tonight and under the weather. Paul is doing well. I can’t wait for him to come home. I miss him. I don’t have anyone to beat in the face with my shoe. Well, I can’t remember if I discussed this in my last blog but I wrecked my car. I have been expanding my social life a little bit. I have been going out more with my friends. I don’t really have anything exciting to report. I am driving a rental and saving the money for a car. That sucks because the rental is expensive.

So I was driving down the road the other day and noticed Linens n Things is going out of business. Their crap is burgious and it is useless. It’s shit no one needs. That is why they are going out of business. Here is an example of their sale:

 Now this is just the dumbest, most useless thing I have ever seen. A three hundred dollar Margaritville blender. Who buys this crap? Someone needs their ass kicked. I thought it so ridiculous that I felt compelled to stop and take a picture.

 

On another note, Halloween was fun. I was Rainbow Brite. We got really drunk and ended up having to call the ambulance for my friend Nicole. I was too drunk to go to the hospital. I guess I was offering the police some Patron. My friend said that I wasn’t kidding. That I was totally serious. He said they thought it was funny and had a good laugh. My friend Chris was a car wreck victim for Halloween. He had an extra bottle of fake blood. I was drunk so I went down and threw it all over my neighbor’s door. When I came outside the next day, she saw me. Then she came outside and called the cops (Gee, who would’ve guessed that one?) like she always does. The cops came and she said she wanted the bottle fingerprinted. I was drunk and had thrown it on the ground. The cops told her they could take a report for suspicious activity but couldn’t fingerprint the bottle or anything else because there really wasn’t damage to the property and she didn’t own the apartment. I was behind the cop laughing (we were outside) and smiling, but not audibly. She said, “Yeah, it’s real fucking funny huh?” By the time the cop had turned around I had already wiped the smile off my face and had a bewildered look. The cop looked back at her like he didn’t believe her. I told him, “I told you she was crazy. I wasn’t even laughing.” She is so much fun! I love to watch her react. I can’t wait to go over there one night. I wish I could Saran wrap her whole car but that would take too long. I will think of something. See now I know where she lives, but she doesn’t know where I live.  :0)

Other than that work has been steady. I am saving up to go to Cancun and get a boob job at the beginning of next year. I will blog again soon. No crazy customers lately. Oh, and Steve, I enjoyed our dinner and dances. Thanks again. See you soon.